Archive for polyamory

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 15, 2010 by Michelle Polaris

First I want to welcome Delilah Devlin blog readers who visited this post today after joining me at my guest blog appearance over at her site. Stay tuned at the end, everyone, for a contest opportunity. Now, on to today’s topic.

When a friend linked me to an article the other week from the Boston Globe Sunday Magazine about polyamory, I knew I needed to include the link on my blog.  So here it is:  http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/magazine/articles/2010/01/03/loves_new_frontier/  I was pleased indeed to see mainstream media address an alternative lifestyle in so direct a fashion.

My publisher, Ellora’s Cave, offers a wide selection of stories categorized as ménage. My own story fits into this subset among others. While not all ménage stories involve a committed relationship in the end between the three or plus partners, a good many do. To those one might apply the label of polyamory quite fairly. I guess it’s not considered erotic romance lingo because I don’t hear it used when referring to the sub genre categories as a rule.  A good amount of ménage or poly stories are purchased at Ellora’s Cave, indicating that this lifestyle choice intrigues many.

But putting aside a discussion of whether people are or aren’t into or supportive of alternative relationship  lifestyles, there is something of utmost importance to take from the poly community. Communication.  Being part of such a complicated relationship choice involves great challenge and a great amount of time. And people do it by being explicit about their expectations and needs.

The BDSM lifestyle necessitates a similar need for clear discussion about expectations and boundaries. They even have forms for it.

Perhaps these communities have a jump on many traditional heterosexual relationships where healthy communication about wants and needs and personal limits  is an ideal, but not built into the bargain by necessity.

The web has infinitely increased the opportunities for individuals to talk about sex and lifestyle choices in an open and thoughtful manner. People need all the help they can get with communication in their relationships. It’s damn difficult even under good circumstances. So what do you think about the state of communication today between sexual partners?  Committed or otherwise. I’m talking generalizations, mind you. I appreciate that every relationship is different. Let me know what you think.

One lucky commenter on this post will win a $10.00 amazon gift card. I’ll choose the winner randomly after  the end of the day Monday, January 18th.

Safe, sane and consensual.

Michelle